Okay, this post might get me in trouble. Not because I’m going to say anything offensive, although I might. But because I’m going to let you in on a big secret that very few women have ever revealed. I’m about to share what really lies behind that nasty face some women make, that smug, tight lipped, eye rolling, ugliness that we can sometimes show to the world. That’s right. I’m going to tell you the top 5 things that we are thinking and feeling when we wear our B*** Face!
Disclaimer: As a woman, I do feel qualified to speak for my gender in its entirety, but I won’t. Any information that you read here is based on my opinion and my experience only and you should not assume this is what every woman is thinking (although she probably is).
- You did something wrong. This is a broad reason and can extend to anyone, including friends, significant others, parents, children, pets, bosses, co-workers, cashiers, and anyone else we might encounter. The “wrong” could be wearing the wrong clothes, putting dishes in the wrong spot, taking a phone call, texting, playing a video game (of any kind), making a crude joke, checking out another woman or man or anyone other than us, and anything else you did that we are unhappy about.
- You tell us something we don’t want to hear. Usually, it is something that inconveniences us or disrupts our happy way of life. This could be as innocuous as informing us that we have to work overtime, or as serious as telling us that we, or you, drank, drugged, gambled all of our money away. Examples include: the puppy peed on the floor, the house is a mess, the IRS is suing us, we are drinking, smoking, drugging, spending, whining, lying, ___________ too much.
- You are right about whatever you said in Number 2 and that really pissses us off.
- We don’t like who you are… not just because of Number 3, but because you are honest with us. Sometimes, we will don the B**** Face even if we don’t know you and have had absolutely no interaction with you whatsoever. We assume you are better than us, that your husband is nicer and more obedient than ours, that your children are smarter, that you are richer, happier and liked by more people than we are. We also imagine that you vacation in Europe regularly, drive an enviable car, have no debt and maintain that disgustingly perfect figure without exercise of any kind. And, you probably eat whatever you want. In a nutshell, we hate you. But only because we are incredibly, unbelievably intimidated by who we think you are. You see, the B**** Face is a mask and like any mask, it obscures our vision. When we wear it, we cannot see past our illusion of who you are to the real you. So we judge.
- We don’t like who we are. This is it folks, the big enchilada, the real deal. It’s not about you at all (except for Number 1). It’s about us and our feelings of inferiority, guilt, shame, disdain, fear, depression, intimidation.
Sorry ladies, I know I might be breaking down walls and giving some people a glimpse into the real feelings we have when we wear our BF. But this is a necessary step for me to take. You see, I can’t get better unless I’m honest. Honest with others, honest with myself and most importantly, honest with God.
I used to judge a lot. I only judge a little now. I used to look at everyone else and think they were all better or worse than me. Today, I try to look past others’ exteriors and into their inner struggles. I wonder, “Do they worry about what other’s are thinking?” “Does that beautiful woman struggle with eating issues, body image or trust?” “Does that mean girl even realize she is building walls around her to desperately hide her hurting heart?” “Was that callous remark a vain attempt to be liked, validated or martyred?”
Those thoughts swirl through my head because that was why I used to wear the B**** Face. I wore it for all of those reasons. I wore it because I couldn’t stand who I was. I wore it because I was so unbelievably uncomfortable in my own skin. I wore it to hide, to escape and to protect myself. I wore it because I was terrified to take it off and expose the real me to the world.
So today, when I see other women wearing that face, I try hard to follow God’s word and not to judge. I don’t believe the face they are showing the world is what’s really in their hearts. I don’t think they even realize what they look like, because I sure didn’t. I will look past the stone cold facade, the iron mask and try to see into their pain. And I hope that when I accidentally slide into B**** Face mode, others will do the same for me.